Spare Some Change?
By: Linda Long Apr 28th, 2010Category: Contributor Posts
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About ten years ago, I was driving my sister to a doctor’s appointment in downtown Philadelphia. Parking is very hard to find in the city so I dropped her off at the door; I then went to park the car a few blocks away. As I walked to the doctor’s office, a well groomed man with a brief case and neatly pressed suit approached me. He told me he was just mugged. He told me they got everything from him; he had no money to get home or even call home. He asked me if I could spare a couple of dollars so he could get home. Well, he was so clean cut and well put together, I whole heartedly, believed his story. I felt so bad for him I gave him $10.00 and wished him luck.
I proceeded to the doctor’s office where my mother and my sister waited for me. When I told them the story they start laughing at me and told me I was just “taken” by a panhandler. I defended him. I explained to them how well dressed he was and how well spoken he was. Oh no, his story was true.
About a month later, my sister had another doctor’s appointment in the same building. Again, I drove her. This time we lucked out. We got a parking spot right in front of the building. Just as I got my sister in her wheelchair and my mother closed her door, guess who approaches us? The same well groomed man with a brief case and neatly pressed suit. He told us the same story that he was just mugged and they got everything from him. Only this time, he had no shoes on. He asked if we could spare some change for him to get home. Well, my sister and my mother looked at me and then started laughing. It was the same guy trying to “take” me again. He was a panhandler and I was “taken” the first time. Obviously, I didn’t give him any money the second time. I knew it was a scam. Trust me, my family still gives me a good chops busting about this event. I found out in later years this guy is legendary on 9th street. Everyone knows him.
But, the real question is what if he really was in trouble and no one was helping him? Would $10.00 be worth me thinking I turned my back on someone in need? What if this poor soul was desperate and everyone went about their way ignoring his call for help. I don’t much care for being scammed but I also couldn’t live with myself if there really was someone truly in need. I eventually made my peace with those events and realized his actions live in his Karma not mine.
My question today is have you ever been duped? Did it make you lose faith? Would you help out your fellow man again even if you didn’t know if they were telling the truth? Lastly, would you rather be someone who is trusting of others or be someone who is faithless? I guess the answer for me to I am a little more cautious with giving the panhandlers on the street any money. But, I wouldn’t hesitate stopping and buying someone who is homeless a bagel and some water. While I am little jaded, I still believe in my fellow man.
Note from Then Life Happens — Please read related post, “Take a Deeper Look” by guest author, Greg Hluska.
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[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Darren Sproat, Darren Sproat and ThenLifeHappens, ThenLifeHappens. ThenLifeHappens said: Spare Some Change? http://bit.ly/cSzEh4 [...]
TwitterID: DarrenSproat
Linda,
I have always been in a ‘pay it forward’ mindset and have actually written about this very subject in the past. What if you didn’t have any spare change or bills in your purse? Would you have snickered under your breath and walked away or would you have presented a smile and wishes for a better day?
I likely would have done exactly what you did…without even listening to the ‘story’. My question to you is, did you actually ‘feel’ victimized by this man? He did come up with a pretty elaborate story just to panhandle a few dollars from people but, really, how many people have taken a moment to ask him a few questions or get to know him. Perhaps I am too trusting of people… or, perhaps I have a genuine interest in people and their well-being.
Thank you for sharing,
Darren Sproat
.-= Check out Darren Sproat’s recent blog >> A Little Piece of Happy, Revisited – THE KEY! =-.
TwitterID: kellykarius
A few months ago I gave a fellow 60 dollars at the airport, a trucker whose wife had been in an accident and he was trying to get from Detroit to Halifax to get to her. True story? Who knows. Did I have an extra 60 bucks? Not really. Would I do it again? For sure.
.-= Check out Kelly Karius’s recent blog >> No Such Thing as a Bully =-.
TwitterID: DarrenSproat
Kelly,
Thanks for sharing. So, let me know when you next flight is.
Seriously though, I don’t see a problem doing this and even knowing someone duped me doesn’t change the fact that I want to spread a smile or two or, like Tanya says below, “The things we do in good faith & thought come back at some point when we really need them”… I shall remain the trusting, smiling, pay it forward, karma believing guy I have always been.
Take care,
Darren
TwitterID: NRGCoachT
Wow – GREAT post! And interesting timing. I know I’ve been duped a time or two – I’m kind of a softy when it comes to helping people out…. It was my hubby that was “duped” in the most recent instance of lies for loot.
He was near the edge of our city at one of the main truck stops of the city. He stopped to fill his truck with deisel and was approached by a cleanly dressed man looking very forlorn. This “victim” went on to explain his story about how his car broke down just outside of the city & he’s not from here, and he’s hungry, etc, etc, etc.
He looked honest enough so my man proceeded to give him $40 to help him out…
The funny thing is – a month later, he was near the same truck stop and the same “broken” man was there with the same story.
So – was he duped? hhmmm… I guess so.
However – there’s an energy in the universe that exists silently while it slowly balances us over time. The things we do in good faith & thought come back at some point when we really need it. Maybe the story that man told him was not exactly the truth – but the truth still likely exists that he’s in trouble. He likely has financial issues (among many potential other kinds of problems) that have taken him to lying and begging.
Therefore – he helped.
So – again… was he duped? Maybe, maybe not…
Great post, Linda! Love the thought… and Darren – my friend, thank you again for bringing these amazing writers together. It’s always a joy to ready anything I find on your site!
Sincerely,
-t.
.-= Check out Tanya Hay Ziegler’s recent blog >> I’m BACK! =-.
TwitterID: DarrenSproat
Tanya,
I feel blessed to be surrounded by so many great people with so many great stories and life lessons. You know you are more than welcome to share whatever comes to mind on my site.
I loved the statement “The things we do in good faith & thought come back at some point when we really need them” in your comment. Has me thinking, EXACTLY!
D
TwitterID: LindaLongWrites
Thanks for the great comments. It’s refreshing so many people would still stop and help a stranger.
TwitterID: LindaLongWrites
Also, I forgot to mention – on both encounters I was transporting my sister, who was terminally ill, to the doctor’s office. Finding parking near by on a busy Philly street and then getting her into the wheel chair was all I was thinking about. I was more than willing to help him out with a few bucks, but time nor a heartfelt conversation were going to happen as I was completely focused on my sister. Not sure what would have happened if I met him under different circumstances. Maybe I would have engaged in conversation or maybe I would not have. I guess you don’t really know until you are in the situation:-)
TwitterID: DarrenSproat
Great, thought-provoking post, Linda… thank you.
Darren
TwitterID: FrankDickinson
I street kid in New Orleans told me one time that he could tell me where I got my shoes I was wearing. I put up $10 to have him tell me “you got them on your feet.”
He smiled – I smiled and went and bought a beer for myself.
Good stuff Linda – great to meet you.
.-= Check out Frank Dickinson’s recent blog >> Coffee Conversations: What Are You Passionate About? =-.
TwitterID: LindaLongWrites
Frank. That’s a funny story. Nice to meet you too.
Linda
TwitterID: elbiddulph
Linda, I try to think of intention. Your intention was to be kind and helpful. Living in compassion for one’s fellow man is a great way to be. His intention is not for us to judge. Hopefully, when we run into these situations, the other person’s intentions are also good – seeking help due to a set of unfortunate circumstances. However, if personal gain through deceit is the intent, a price will ultimately be paid. I, too, would give. I’m glad to know others like you would, too.
TwitterID: DarrenSproat
Thanks again, Eleanor, your continued contributions on posts here are greatly appreciated.
Regards,
Darren
Actually, I have a question for you. Why would you give a recently mugged businessman money but not a panhandler? Same man, same clothes, two results…..
I have spent much of my adult life working amongst homeless people. A few years ago, I won an award for one particular organization I built. Consequently, I am qualified to say that nobody panhandles in the twilight of a happy, successful life. Why are you concerned about having been scammed by someone whose life stinks?
At the end of the day, we make choices. In your case, you chose to help a rich person who had been mugged and chose to ignore someone who almost certainly suffers from some form of mental illness. I don’t think I’d be proud enough of that to write about it.
My challenge for you. Next time you see a panhandler say, “I won’t give you money but I’d love to buy you lunch.” Get to know the person you are eating with and hop
TwitterID: DarrenSproat
Hi Greg, it looks like this post touched a nerve with you and, believe me, I understand which nerve it touched. Having said that, I am also fully aware that Linda poses a lot of questions and highlights, through one little story, a great deal about our society. I struggled with whether I would post this article here but, in the end, it makes us think and react and discuss and, at least in my case, act to help our homeless. Thanks for stopping by… it is my hope that you will continue to offer your insight on posts that grab your attention here.
Regards,
Darren
TwitterID: LindaLongWrites
Greg
Thank you for your comment on my post and taking the time to visit ww.thenlifehappens.com. Darren does a lovely job with the site. Please take some time and read some of the other posts on the site in addition to mine.
Honestly, I do enjoy reading comments that are respectfully written even if they have a conflicting point of view to mine. I think it is good to challenge our convictions and thought processes. I believe that fosters growth. However, I felt the sentiment of your comment/post to be a little judgmental and somewhat lacking respect. You wrote, “I don’t think I’d be proud enough of that to write about it.” That seemed a bit over the top to me and I am curious if you read the entire post to very end.
While I suppose I could defend myself and boast of my “good deeds”, I will refrain. My Karma speaks for itself in my life. The post was merely a point of view on a given day. Thanks again for your comment and I hope you have a pleasant day.
Respectfully,
Linda Long
TwitterID: DarrenSproat
Linda, this is a very provocative article and, I admit, I struggled with whether to post it when you first sent it to me. I decided, at the time, that it would likely make for some passionate responses and, sure enough, we got some. I understand the nerve that was struck with Greg and it’s pretty clear in his comment.
I defend your post as highlighting some of the negatives that come out of our society and, perhaps, how our society today is broken. I know you would give your most to help those in need… I also know how it feels to be fed a bunch of lies by a panhandler… Who really needs help… who is out there just because they’re lazy… I don’t let those question surface anymore. I rarely let a panhandler finish his story before handing him what I can.
It is often desperation that makes someone reach to those levels to make a buck or two. Should you feel duped, no you shouldn’t.
Again, thank you for contributing, I think we may have inspired a counterpost… we’ll see.
Darren
TwitterID: LynneHolder
A familiar story, and one that always leads to the tension between compassion and distrust.
I lived in Miami Beach for a year while working as a model and actor. If you’ve ever been there, you know the large homeless population that lives there. Someone begged me for money almost every time I went out.
I remember one little old lady who lived in North Miami Beach in a corner of one of the beach access parking lots. I looked at her and wondered how she survived. What if someone wanted to steal from her few possessions stuffed in a shopping cart? How could this small, frail person ever defend herself? I saw her several times, and for whatever reason, God laid her on my heart. I didn’t have much, but one day I took her $5 to buy something to eat. She thanked me as I laid the money in her rough hands.
My friends lectured me about giving money to beggars. I was told to get tough. No, I think that’s the problem with the world. Did I know what they did with the money? No. I knew I would feel awful walking away as though they didn’t exist. Is a dollar or two going to really make a difference to most people? You’ll never miss it. I do agree that, rather than just handing over money, buying a meal and giving it to a beggar is the better course of action, and will do that in the future.
TwitterID: DarrenSproat
Lynne, this post has made for some interesting conversation, that’s for sure. Thank you for sharing a piece of your story in your comment. Stay tuned for another post from a friend of Then Life Happens regarding this very subject.
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