A Boy Bullied – This Mother’s Story
By: Dianne Mursell Jan 8th, 2012Category: Contributor Posts
I have been reading and watching videos from children speaking about bullying. There is so much online about bullying and some of these stories have been so painful for me to watch I literally sit there with tears rolling down my cheeks, rocking back and forth.
My boy was a boy bullied and this is my story.
The reason this is so near and dear to my heart is that my own family has endured bullying and the consequences it brings. The ongoing bullying of my son changed my entire family, not just him. While it was devastating for him, for us it was as well, to watch him go through this, trying everything we could and it was useless.
At the end of his grade 6 year he was lying on the floor in his room sobbing, his body shaking, saying to us he was so glad it was summer so he would have two months free from bullying. Our hearts were breaking. We had visited his teachers and principals, as well as the head of the school division, but nothing was ever done about the bully and his parents.
It was all about our son, we were told by the principal “he makes himself such a target because he is such a good kid”. What?? What, as a parent are you supposed to do with a comment like that. Tell your child to stop being so good, stop volunteering with the kindergarten kids, stop putting your hand up first in class, stop doing your assignments?
That year his principal changed, we spoke with the new one she promised us it would end.
It was better for a few months in his grade 7 year and then things were back to square one.
We could slowly see changes in our son, the boy who smiled and was happy was no longer there, his eyes were empty and full of pain. He no longer played his piano; he stayed in his room reading all the time.
By December of his grade 8 year things came to a head. We pulled him from the local school and drove him into the city to school. Slowly, he turned around and started to come back to us. Then, tragedy in his grade 10 year, his closest and best friend killed himself. This, on top of everything he had gone through for years, was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Months later the school called us and said come in right away. One of my son’s friends had come to the school nurse and told her of my son’s plan to kill himself. We rushed in and again the boy that walked through the door with the school nurse did not even look like our son, pain wracked him from head to toe, his face was pale, eyes that had started to show some joy again were now full of pain, once again.
Upon going to the hospital, having an assessment done, he was admitted and remained in hospital for quite a while; at first refusing to see us. We would get up in the morning, holding our coffee cups with tears rolling down our faces, stunned and wondering how on earth did we ever get to this place.
At the hospital the specialist told us he was suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from the years of bullying. His friend’s suicide, someone he had genuinely connected with after so many years of loneliness, pushed him over the edge. At the time we thought we had provided him with enough care and help to see him through it but we had not.
All the years of pent-up anguish and pain came pouring out and he was not equipped to deal with it. He had, quietly in the night, in his room, started cutting himself. Imagine our shock. He did this right under our noses and we had no idea. And, he made his plan…
In his plan, he would kill himself on the 6 month anniversary of his friends’ suicide; he could no longer bear to be part of such a mean, cruel world. We are thankful every day for his friend that was brave enough to go to the school nurse, thankful every day that he told her his plan and thankful every day for the counselling he received, his healing, and his strength to face these painful issues head on in counselling.
Recovery was rough, lots of anger, lots of accusations, lots of raw emotion, but he did it, he faced it and is now flourishing in university and working. He is much stronger for what he has gone through, we all are, but I would give anything to have spared him all this pain and his questions of why me? What’s wrong with me?
Now, he knows there was nothing wrong with him.
If you know a bully, if you know someone who is being bullied please do not take it lightly, please do not brush it off. The scars and pain run very deep and are invisible from the outside. Stand up, say something, and be there for the person being bullied. You never know when it could be your child, your grandchild, or someone you love.
This mother’s plea.
Photo Credit © Liz Grace
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About the author
Learn more at their website, Molly Dogs, or connect with Dianne on twitter @prairiegirlsk
TwitterID: kellykarius
Diane, what a terrible story, and one that so many children face daily. Myself and my colleague have come up with a resource for parents that might have been helpful for you – we hope it’s going to be helpful for many others. If you have a moment, please have a look at http://nosuchthingasabully.com, and if you like what you read, pass it on when you see someone else that needs help.
Blessings to your family.
Kelly
TwitterID: prairiegirlsk
Thanks Kelly, as you probably know, this is just a fraction of the story. There is so much more that could have been said and written. I am moved to really make this a mission and I hope our story helps someone. I will check out your site for sure and will help to spread the word. Please share our story as well. Thank you for your comment. It means a lot. Dianne
TwitterID: DarrenSproat
Dianne,
I am touched by your story and grateful that you chose to share it here at Then Life Happens. I am confident by sharing you will have an impact in one way or another on many people and I encourage those reading this to share their stories as well. Thanks again and blessings to you and yours.
Regards,
Darren
TwitterID: prairiegirlsk
Darren, I can’t thank you enough for giving me this opportunity to share our story. I am grateful for the response we have received, it has been heartfelt and heartwarming at the same time. While I am grateful every day that our story had a happy ending I know this has not been true for every family and I pray that by posting our story we are able to help someone, anyone. Thank you for providing a place for families like ours to share our story. God Bless, Dianne
TwitterID: chotee
Your story is very painful to read and had me near tears. I was bullied throughout most of high school and I understand the suffering your son was going through. Today I am a stronger person because of it also, but the path to get this point was not an easy one. I did not have the benefits of counseling but rather the love of my Father who encouraged me daily and showered me with love. I can only imagine the heartache parents must endure watching their child go through this, remembering my own parents anger, anguish and tears as I suffered daily. Each morning I would wake up and be physically ill, to the point where I couldn’t leave the toilet bowl for too long. The bus ride was a nightmare and lunch break was a brutal hour of constant torture and terror of much larger girls going out of their way to find me and tear me down, verbally and physically. Reading how people have overcome this nightmare is heartening because each story makes me stronger knowing it wasn’t just me. That I wasn’t alone in suffering, and that with so much awareness that kids will have hope that its the bully that’s wrong and not them. Hugs to you and your son.
TwitterID: prairiegirlsk
Elaine, thank you so much for sharing your story. I am sorry you’ve had a similar experience. It has been amazing to me how many people can relate to my sons story. How sad. I am grateful for the strength and courage the experience has given my son to face other tough situations that will come in life, I just wish he hadn’t had to gain that strength this way. No child should have to endure this pain, no parents should have to watch their children suffer like this and feel so utterly helpless. Hoping and praying more people will start taking a stand and not be held back by fear or political correctness. Again thank you so much for your comment. Dianne
TwitterID: writewrds
Wow, Dianne. Thanks so much for sharing. Your story is heartbreaking — and scary.
Besides being an avid blog reader, I’m also a writer with an upcoming deadline to write a follow-up story on bullying. It’s for a family magazine. Although the mag is based in Ottawa, I’d really like to ask you a couple of questions and reference your story in the one I write for print.
Would you be okay with that? (Can I email you?
Yours is a really, really important message. One I , personally, feel very strongly about.
Thanks for sharing!
TwitterID: DarrenSproat
Pam,
Thanks for stopping by, reading, and contributing with a comment. I am certain Dianne will respond to your comment or contact you on twitter soon. In the meantime, have you connected with @KellyKarius on twitter? She is passionate about working to eliminate bully/victim behaviors and may be able to contribute some great information to your story.
Thanks again,
Darren Sproat
TwitterID: prairiegirlsk
Hi Pam ~ we were away for a couple of days, thank you so much for your interest. I would love to be of any help I possibly can. This has been the whole reason that I wrote the blog post in the first place and the response to it has been more than surprising to me. Also sad that too many people can relate. Anyways I would be happy to answer any questions you have and help however I can. Thank you again, Dianne