It’s amazing how many excuses we can find to not make the changes necessary to live the life you desire. Somehow, there is always a reason preventing us from the life we want to live vs. the life we are living. Money, work, kids, our partner, health issues and more, all have an impact on our lives. We all have certain responsibilities and commitments, yet it doesn’t mean that we have zero freedom to live our lives in some ways on our own terms.
I’ve been in many situations where being a mom, a wife, having financial constraints, dealing with illness and more felt so overwhelming that living just a moment of life on my terms seemed impossible. I could barely manage getting through the day to get to the end of the day (most times midnight or later!) when I would fall into bed and then start all over again the next day.
Each of us have our own life styles and varying level of what it takes to get through our day. I finally decided that despite the overwhelming feeling I lived with for years, it was time for me to take charge of my life and take back some of the time I gave to everything and everyone else. I realized that I deserved to have more balance in my life that would allow me to live life on my terms, not in a whirlwind of too much giving and doing and not enough self-care.
I began to find little ways to do what I wanted to do. I wanted to read more – if you are a mom and/or wife you know that trying to read a chapter of a book in one setting, much less finishing a whole book – could take years! I wanted to spend more time learning about different things, go back to school, plant a garden, spend more time at the beach, explore and more! I couldn’t exactly load up my back pack and set out for adventure… nor could I just forget about making dinner and spend a day doing what I wanted to do (the animals get restless when they miss their feeding!). But I could capture little opportunities each day to do something for me.
Fifteen minutes, half and hour or and hour (an hour is like winning the lottery!) doing one small thing that made me feel like I was being ‘me’ (just me not all the other labels I have) was glorious! When you have a life that is overly filled with obligations, you really cannot plan the times that you are going to steal some precious moments just for yourself… you have to be flexible and adaptable. And remember to be grateful for those stolen moments.
Live the Life You Desire!
If you are feeling like you constantly give to others and stretch yourself so thin that there is no time for the life you desire;
- Reflect on how you feel at the end of each day – fulfilled and satisfied that you had balance of caring for others, taking care of responsibilities and having time for yourself OR resentful and disappointed that another day went by without doing anything you wanted to do.
- Make a list of what your day would be like if it was more balanced and included doing things you want to do.
- Make a list of things you would like to implement as daily habits – things that are just for you.
- Consider how you may feel better emotionally and physically if you were to shift your intense day-to-day life to one that is feeding your soul (meeting your needs).
- Consider whether you make excuses as to why you cannot live life on your terms, even in the smallest ways and ask yourself why not?
I realized that though I wanted to be a good mom and wife, I was not living a balanced life nor was I meeting my own needs and wants. Guilt consumed me whenever I even thought about doing something for myself. I held a belief that the only way to be ‘good’ for others was to constantly sacrifice. Now I realize that feeling better, physically and emotionally, makes me a better parent and partner!
Give yourself permission today, to start living life on your terms. Do something that feels good and is just for you!
“I’ve learned lately that no one is going to hand me a permission slip and tell me to take time out for me.”
— Wynonna Judd